If you’re completely smashed and totally lost in the middle of nowhere, there’s good news.  I get regular “Men’s Health” updates and among 31 new uses for beer, there was this tidy little gem:

“..let’s say you’re hopelessly lost in the wilderness, and all you have is a can of beer, a sewing needle, a small bowl, and a pair of extra-large silk panties…First, open the beer, pour some into the bowl, and let it go flat. …Next, magnetize the needle by stroking it repeatedly in one direction with the panties. This will generate a charge of static electricity. Then float the needle in the beer. When it stops, it’ll be pointing in a north-south direction. Now get outta there!”
Yowsa.  If I happen to find myself with a can of beer, a needle, a bowl, and an extra-large pair of panties, I’d first be really glad I don’t remember who was wearing them and why I’m holding them then I’d bury them in the ground somewhere that my friends would never find them.  I’d use the needle to stab myself a varmint to cook, which I’d eat in my bowl, and, of course, I’d drink my beer.

They may have just wanted to stick with 30 new uses.  I’m not sure this one is going to be real handy for many readers.