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For any would-be-Dad wanting biological offspring, this is the best argument you’ve heard in a long time for buying a desktop computer:

“…sperm exposed in a laboratory to a laptop computer had lower levels of motility — the capacity to squirm toward eggs and start the reproductive process — than unexposed sperm.

The Argentine research, presented this week at the American Society for Reproductive Medicine conference in Denver, found reductions in motility and potentially more serious DNA damage for sperm kept close to a laptop…”

If you were a creative marketer at Dell, you might ask buyers to complete a survey before they enter the site.  Male? Female?  Age group?  Then you can send all the male college kids to a site that includes language such as “the Inspiron 15 laptop also has the added benefit of reducing your sperm motility so that there will be fewer chances of getting Mary down the hallway accidentally knocked up.  An enhanced heat function available for $49 dollars.”

What?! It’s a competitive business – you need to be creative!

I’ll stick to my day job.

Photo caption: “I’m bookishly handsome and my sperm are all dead.  Cappuccino?”