Greatest Tattoo Ever?

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Ok, among tattoo enthusiasts, that title will be rather incendiary, but if you haven’t seen this already, you simply must watch it. In fact, if you have seen it already — watch it again. If you’re a little squeamish about tattoos, don’t worry – there’s no blood/naked ladies/violence of any kind. There aren’t even any skulls, snakes, or dragons. What there is, however, is pure unadulterated awesomeness (but you must watch until the end). Just wow.

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Auction For IVF

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I’m donating a signed copy of the book to the “Go Team Witt” effort to fund, or partially fund, an IVF cycle with an online auction. From their website “about us”:

Go Team (IF) started in 2011 when Cameron & Kristin Call found out they would need to raise money quickly in order to afford the treatments necessary for starting a family. The response and donations received in a short amount of time was incredibly humbling. Support came from all sides to help us bring our little one home.

Through a miraculous sequence of events, we were able to afford our treatment before the auction even happened. The outpouring of support, though, could not be wasted. So, we set out to find a couple that could benefit from the generosity already shown.

We are so excited to be able to offer this auction to Allen & Jill Witt.”

Pretty friggin cool, no? Head over there and bid on some stuff once the auction starts, won’t you?

The Butler Job I Never Knew I Wanted

Saw this posting on Craigslist, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t giving it serious consideration:

Long running private party on San Juan Island seeks butler to the stars, approximately 50 of them, for duration of event, 7/29-7/31. Transport to and from island via private boat, shared bunkhouse accomodation with chef, and cash payment TBD, as well as all you can eat, drink, or otherwise ingest, and souvenir t-shirt are your earthly rewards for the labors outlined below.

You need not have white gloves, a stiff upper lip, or prior butler experience if you can perform the duties, as described below, with verve and aplomb whilst half to fully to exceedingly drunk. Just don’t dip into the sherry.

Some examples of the duties inherent to the butler game in our world include refereeing a slosh ball game, making sandwiches for sloshball players, fetching firewood, partying and having fun with us, maintaining the water pipe and associated ephemera, shucking oysters & collecting same, light facility cleaning (cups, paper plates, bottles etc.), assisting with crabbing duties, possible tiki bar shifts, although they are highly sought after, fire stoking, etc. No cooking is required. Possibly assist chef on a as needed basis. Making cowboy coffee with the percolator.

In this role a cultural fit is weighted far more heavily than prior experience in the selection process. We are a group of mid 20’s to early 30’s men and women who have gathered with friends at this property, in some fashion, for 13-15 years. It’s a damn good time, and last year we had a great time with the chef, and he with us. We want some one cool, who likes to laugh and have fun, and isn’t scared of bald eagles.

Since cultural fit is such a critical component, below are some factors that would in no way impact your selection, to provide some points of cultural reference:
Cannabis arrest
No prior butler experience
A propensity to light things on fire. People are a no-no.
Facial hair
Facial tattoos
Ownership of a tuxedo shirt rather than a tuxedo.
The likelihood of wearing the same tuxedo shirt or tuxedo for the duration of the event, while scrambling through the mud, the blood, and the beer.

Interviews will be held via Skype or GChat as the host lives in New York and is flying out several days before the event.

One note re accommodations: this is an off the grid, rustic property. Solar showers are available, women use the indoor composting toilet, and men take the best shit of their lives in a outhouse hanging off a bluff over Puget Sound. Women, of course, can use the outhouse to take the best shit of their lives if so inclined. Their is indoor plumbing, no electricity. Bring a headlamp. The butler will be put up in a very nice bunkhouse that is less than 5 years old, has very comfy beds, etc. And private. Guests stay in tents. Please Tell us about yourself and leave a phone#. We will contact you if we see fit.

Resolve Hope Award Nomination List

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So the book got nominated, but it needs to squeak into the top five in order to make what will be the “real” final list for consideration. Once that list is out there, then the supporters of Resolve.org vote to decide the actual winner.

I’m not holding out any hope whatsoever that I win the “Hope Award” – but I would really like to see at least one title in the top five be from a guy. I just think it’s important for issue-awareness. So, with that in mind, if you would be so kind as to head over to the Ladies in Waiting book club site and vote, that’d be swell. If you happen to vote for Swimming In Circles, that’d be even…well…sweller.

Thanks for your support!

Embarrassing Your Kids With Style

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Been away for a while busy with this thing called a “job”, trying to get the book out in front of people (Ellen, why won’t you return my calls?), wiping more tiny little butts than I care to admit, and doing an ungodly amount of writing about baseball (see twitter feed). But I stumbled across this story, and have to admit that I’m blown away at the commitment this Dad had in an effort to make his 16 year old’s life a living hell. The chasm between Dad thinking it was neat and cool and that it proves he loves his son and his son barely wanting to comment on the story so as to not glorify his Dad for making him hand-slap his forehead every time they drove by — well, it’s just too good to be true. And yet, it is.

Possibly the headline of the year:

I have a feeling there’s a fistfight with an 18 year old in this guy’s future.

Ladies In Waiting Book Club Tackle Infertility Myths

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Kimberly Nelson was gracious enough to have me tackle one of the male-related-myths of infertility, namely – “I’m a man, I don’t need to get checked.”  I do a quick confessional before presenting my first chapter of the book, which addresses the issue pretty completely, if I do say so myself.  I was certainly a champion of said myth, and I was summarily busted. Anyway, if you want to check it out, head over to the Ladies In Waiting Book Club Blog where they’re tackling infertility myths all week for National Infertility Awareness Week.

Mike Leake Arrested for Shoplifting

You might not know who Mike Leake is, but he’s a promising young pitcher for the Cincinnati Reds. He was arrested today on a shoplifting charge.

Now, I do know who Mike Leake is since I moonlight as a baseball writer/hack. Leake is a very good pitcher, and he really ought to have a long career in the game should all of his parts hold up to the wear and tear. Leake might not be a superstar yet and he might not be a millionaire yet, but I do know this – he makes $425,000 this year. Four hundred and twenty five thousand dollars. Think to yourself what you could do with four hundred and twenty five thousand dollars a year. He is two years removed from arbitration, and if you’re not familiar with arbitration, it basically means that he’s probably going to be a multi-millionaire in about 24 months if he can just be decent.

He stole $60 worth of shirts?

Suddenly, I want to punch a major league pitcher in the face.  I’d give my right… wait, no… I’d probably give them both to have the talent that Mike Leake has and the fact that he’d go out and risk his place in baseball for a few shirts means that he’s either incredibly stupid, a kleptomaniac, or both.

Mike Leake, you win biggest douchebag of the day.

IVF Kids Are Not Normal

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According to this article, IVF kids aren’t “normal”.

I’ve got two and a half big problems with this piece.

One, that the “not normalness” of children who are brought into the world with the aid of in-vitro fertilization is entirely tied up in the fact that it produces a higher rate of multiples, and thus, children that may be birthed early and smaller. Does that really make IVF kids “not normal”? No. In fact, even if you could argue that it puts them at higher risk for X, Y, and Z – I defy you to give me a definition of what “normal” is.

Two, that it leads with such an incendiary headline that would somehow suggest that IVF kids aren’t “normal”. That’s like asking adoptive parents if they “can have one of their own.” Get. A. Clue. Seriously. My God.

The half is related to just how many grammatical errors are in this thing, which lends itself to the total lack of credibility of the French Tribune.

It’s drivel like this that makes me very worried that things like Journalism standards and ethics are becoming a thing of the past.

The Onion Continues to Absolutely Rule

Thought you might enjoy this one:

Just When Couple Finally Stops Stressing About Having A Baby, They’re Still Not Pregnant

HENDERSON, NV—After finally deciding to relax and not worry so much about having a baby, local couple Aaron Leonard and Shelley Akers announced Tuesday that at long last they remained no closer to conceiving a child. “After more than two years of trying to get pregnant, we decided not to put so much pressure on ourselves—and wouldn’t you know it, still nothing happened,” said Akers, 32, adding that you can never predict when God will choose to continue withholding His blessing. “I guess it’s one of those situations where you’re not expecting anything and then, totally out of the blue, you don’t get it.” Akers added that, for a while, she had actually begun to think her husband might be sterile, and that she was still very much leaning in that direction